My Swashbuckling Booty: Pirates of the Caribbean


After Captain Sparrow saves Elizabeth from drowning and reaches to remove her corset, I was utterly shocked at the blackened malnourished arm that extends out. How am I expected to have Tom Cruise like fantasies while watching Johnny Depp with an arm like that? For a quick second, during the scene when Captain Sparrow and Will Turner are sword fighting in the black smith’s barn, I thought Orlando Bloom would be a new man on my list. However, there is something about him that reminds me of that Seinfeld episode when the woman Jerry is dating is hot one minute and disfigured the next. Something about Bloom’s mouth, nose, or the area between his nose and mouth does not make him a consistent hottie. I heard he is in Lord of the Rings or something. Whenever I finally get on that bandwagon, I shall take notice and form a conclusive opinion.

I had no clue this movie would have curses, zombies, and magical realism. I guess really, I did not expect much but some ships, fighting, and probably the proverbial love scene. I think it makes Captain Sparrow’s character even more charming that the love scenario does not involve him. However, the question of his sexuality is made evident with the numerous slappings he receives and “deserves.” The question had to be asked and answered with all the hip swaying and finger-rolling Sparrow does. A leading gay character cannot make heterosexual women swoon, not in Hollywood anyway. The accent Depp uses his not completely British, nor Caribbean, or Spanish, sort of a mixture, like a pirate who plunders all over would have.

My favorite scenes are: when Captain Sparrow docks his sinking vessels and bribes the dock keeper’s with three shillings and turns around and steals the daily payments from the keeper’s podium,— the swordfight between Captain Sparrow and Will Turner, —-when Captain Sparrow tells the two guards his intentions are to steal a ship, —–when he steals the Interceptor with Turner,—- and when he is on the island with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth got on my nerves. I hate when they have an actress just for dreamy and posing shots. After she fights and wards off zombies, she is still as beautiful as a painting. Okay whatever; pass the hateraide, because that was too much for my swashbuckling sensibilities.

I have read many complaints about the computer imagery and other mistakes in this movie, but it was still fun.

I am trying to watch Quills, but since it is rated R, I am forced to wait until I am alone.


One thought on “My Swashbuckling Booty: Pirates of the Caribbean

  1. I love Pirates of the Caribbean, and I”m really looking forward to the sequel. I’ve heard Keith Richards has a cameo as Capt. Jack’s dad. (Supposedly Depp’s inspiration for Jack was a combination of Richards and Pepe LePew.) I don’t get all the hoopla over Orlando Bloom. He looks like a kid who hasn’t grown up yet. He did look better in LOTR. Leather and long blonde hair become him. The acting in Quills is wonderful, but I just didn’t enjoy the movie. Let me know what you think.


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